It hit me like a wave: Mick, of course; Mick. He was there the whole time, patiently waiting and waiting for me to notice him. He watched me go through all my struggles and relationships. He knew that I needed to go through all of that to become what I needed to be.
He knew my parents and they arranged the whole thing. They all knew that I would go through everything I went through to be with Mick in the end. The whole universe planned out the course of my life so I could meet him and spend the rest of my life with him. All the previous relationships, he had been waiting for me to get to the point where I figured it out.
These were my delusions. I had the delusion that Mick was someone put on this Earth to watch me grow and learn and go through my struggles of being raped and beaten. I had the "epiphany" that I was living my life as it came, and he was watching the entire time. He was like a guardian angel or soulmate who knew from the beginning that we would be together. I thought that I was the last one in on the whole gimmick.
It hit me like any other epiphany and I thought he knew my parents and knew my past and my future. I thought he was watching me the whole time and waiting for me to notice him. I thought he waited for me and didn't have any previous relationships or sex. I thought he knew everything about me and that one day we would be together.
The reality is that he doesn't even care about me. I was just another notch in his belt. There was nothing special about our relationship. It was just a hookup.