Diary - October 20, 2022

Dear Diary,

Well I’m definitely feeling again. I’ve cried so much over Robert. It feels good to cry. I don’t care what he says, he’s numb. There’s no way a person who isn’t numb doesn’t cry for years! That’s insane. That’s how I know I’m numb, when I can’t cry. Crying is a natural body function that needs to be exercised like all the other body functions. If you can’t cry, you’re broken.

So yeah what I’m trying to say is that I’d rather be me than him any day. I’ll take this heart break over his indifference. It might hurt more, but at least I’m feeling. I do think about what he said about taking things slow and letting it unfold. I suppose I should have been more receptive to that. I did try to rush things I guess. Wait, why am I doubting myself?! That’s so stupid. I was myself and that’s how I want to be in every relationship. I don’t want to hold back, I’ll keep giving it my all. I know that opens me up to a lot of pain, but I’d honestly rather be hurt than feel nothing at all. I don’t know how to be something that he misses, but maybe that’s not my job.

Truthfully,

Athena